.
It really was what happened, he had bought a DVD player for my Dad and Stepmother. He was so excited to get them something he knew they didn’t have and something he knew they would love. Scott was my stepbrother, but my oldest brother really. My parents had been divorced since I was very young so Craig (blood) and I grew up with 2 other Brothers (step), John & Scott. Scott was the oldest, the one I never really fought with and as I got older, the typical protective older brother. He cried his last Christmas, like a baby outside my Dad’s house, at 27 years old.
Somehow, and it wasn’t too uncommon, something went wrong, drinking and indifference, an argument and the announcement, “we’re getting a divorce”. All of us were STUNNED, STUNNED, in fact fights and arguments were too common but this was REAL. The relationship I had with my stepmother wasn’t favorible (horrible actually), but Scott & John were always like family, yet I was a little happy/shocked! But my internal excitement turned to sadness, the look on Scott’s face was the most sadness I thought I’d ever see in someone. Finally graduated from college, holding a great job and saving to buy this very expensive gift, he was shattered to know they weren’t going to stay married AND, there was going to be no gift opening that night. He was proud and thought he could show his gratitude (education) and success with this gift. (A New DVD player almost 10 years ago was HUGE)
It continued, we all scattered, Dad went one way, Craig and I followed him, and John and Scott another direction. But I did find Scott kneeling on the ground next to his car hands in his face, crying like a baby. His best friend at his side explaining the Christmas gift he so wanted to give his parents (his Dad wasn’t around too much). It was so sad, especially looking back now knowing that was his last Christmas. He loved Christmas, maybe that’s why he still gets a decorated Christmas Tree at his grave site.
He died the next summer in a car accident, no one really knows what happened but knew he had been to Vegas, was on his way home from a “turn around” trip and probably fell asleep at the wheel somewhere in Fontana off Cherry Avenue overpass, killing him, his friend and severely injuring another friend. For no good reason after that Christmas Eve, we never talked much. Like an invisible division between our families started. I wasn’t sad then, I had college and boyfriend issues but I am now.
We just never know when it’s our time. We can never be prepared. We’ve all heard that. But it’s true. During the holidays when it’s a time to be thankful for one another and celebrate family, we should just enjoy all those moments. He was taken from us pretty young, he’ll never know being a Dad, holding his child, getting married, and all that. And he is missed, by everyone he knew. Some ask what got me over it, well you don’t get over it, you just learn to live with it. But what helped me was my dreams, I can’t even tell you how many dreams I have had when I get to talk to him. I know he’s dead in these dreams but it’s like he got a one day pass from heaven and just tells all of us, “I’m fine, I wish I could stay longer, but know I’m fine, and I have to go now but I love you all”. I’m so thankful for these kinds of dreams, I’ve had similar ones with my stepdad, and my grandma. I wish I could have these dreams every night, but I’ll take what I get and be very thankful in the morning 
XXOO
